Grandma in a Doula Capacity

                                                  


Wow, it's been quite some time since I have made any posts to my blog but what an awesome post to pick back up with...  the birth of my first grand baby.  I was invited to attend my son and daughter-in-law's birth quite some time ago and, to be quite honest, I was pleasantly surprised to be asked for a variety of reasons.  One reason was the fact that my son's mother-in-law is also a doula and since mom and daughter have such a close relationship, I assumed that she would be present at the birth, which, as it turns out, she was.  Secondly, I find it very interesting that someone would want to labor and deliver a baby in the presence of their mother, let alone, their mother-in-law.  I remember being amazed when my sister decided she would invite my mom, who is a nurse, to her births, both hospital and home.  Please don't get me wrong.  I get along well with my mom and we have a fine relationship.  I just don't feel that level of freedom and comfort to be so vulnerable in front of my mom, or mother-in-law, but I admire those who have that unique relationship.  Furthermore, I assumed that since the other doula grandma would be in attendance, along with a very capable midwife, and a more than
capable husband my presence would merely be redundant.  So there  you have it...  my not so good 
reasons for assuming I would not be needed at my first grand baby's birth.  My daughter-in-law made sure to assure me that she didn't invite me to her birth out of obligation but because she and my son felt I would be of great service and support to them while they labored.  My son, his mother-in-law, his sister-in-law, the midwife, and myself were there to witness such a precious miracle.  It was an average length for a first baby and mom did an amazing job bringing forth a beautiful son.  It was indeed a joy to support and serve my son and his wife during this awesome event and I pray that I will be able to serve in this capacity of doula Grandma again to whichever of my children would like to have me.

Diapers, Dads, and Doulas

I've been giving some thought lately to how much I have enjoyed working with my Dads over the many years I've been involved in birth work.  The wide variety of personalities, preferences, dynamics, and support styles I've witnessed while working with my expectant couples has been a blessing to see.  Being a part of the unfolding of a family and watching the building of my dads' confidence in themselves and their roles as husbands and daddies has been a treat. 

It may have started with that Dad that was excited as could be in the approaching birth of their first child.  They attended as many prenatals as possible, participated in the childbirth preparation classes, the lactation class, the tour of the labor and delivery unit, and every possible event to keep themselves connected to the whole process.  Or maybe it was the Dad that was the nervous "Ned" type about the whole labor and delivery process and you wondered who was going to need more supporting, him or Mom.  Despite my misgivings and doubts about those dads they came through just fine and were able to give Mom more than I ever could because of the dynamics of their relationship and the unique perspective each dad brings to that sacred space.  I especially enjoy those dads that want to be and do everything for their laboring wives and heaven help anyone who encroached on Dad's space while filling that role.  They wanted to be the ones to offer those comforting back rubs, the encouraging words, the much needed cold drink, the reassuring pats, the words of affirmation... til you really felt, as a doula, that your job was being done for you and you felt guilty for not doing more.  I've really been tickled by those dads that were eager to do all they could but had no clue  what to do, when to do it, or how it was to be done.  They were even unsure of whether they should/could do anything at all.  Their hesitant willingness was a joy to witness and watching their zeal blossom before my eyes, their confidence grow, as their wives became more dependent on them, and their estimation of themselves peak as labor unfolded made for a great day.  All in all, my dads are such an integral part of the whole process it's hard to imagine my work without them.  

So, this is my tribute to all those dads that have made my job such a blessing.  Your dedication to your wives and babies has been part of what keeps this work a pleasure to me.  I am thankful beyond words that you have allowed me the joy and privilege of being part of such a momentous occasion.  Though the ups and downs of this line of work will always be part of the territory, being able to co-labor (no pun intended) alongside committed dads makes my work that much more fulfilling.  So my hat's off to you, Dads for shining true and strong.